last night during our marathon bounce session, i got tired and put pea on her back under the baby gym dealie and came in to peruse facebook...she played quietly for about ten minutes when i got curious and went to check...she was on her tummy with one arm wedged beneath her...

i was bummed i didnt see it.

tonight i had her on the bathroom rug while in the shower. she rolled the second i put her down on her back and even managed to get her hand out from underneath...i turned her back onto her back and by the time i was finished showering, she had rolled again...

so i guess its official...8 calendar weeks, just shy of 2 months by date.

not bad, miss pea!

i think a few things...wow. what a lack of humility...im pretty whiny...i make funny faces when im pushing...and i want to do it all over again...

every time i get a free second, i log on to read everyone elses' stuff...and then i run out of time and dont get to update...

i suppose that less and less of my every day thoughts will be recorded since i am busily living instead of reflecting. i wish i had more time to journal the little nuances of my family's transformation. of pea's burgeoning personality and ocean's recent language explosion....marin's forray into adolescence...

i suppose that might be the allure of twitter or fb since you can quickly blurb an event from the convenience of your phone, etc. perhaps that will be the next form of baby book...haha.

things are good. this morning i am tired. pea decided to wake up super early eat a ton, and then poo all over me and herself and the bed, she did not want to nurse back to sleep after all of that excitement and then ocean woke up and it was on...i turned on some cartoons (sigh) and tried to nap on the couch with pea (who was suddenly exhausted...go figure) on my chest...no dice.

now she's still asleep. ive already had my coffee, no more naps for me...sigh. good thing i went to be early (11pm on a saturday).

the really good thing is that we're all pushing through this and growing closer as a result. everything is slowly sinking into routine and i even braved a solo trip to the doctor's office AND the los angeles zoo with the two littles in tow...and survived. the zoo did get a bit challenging. pea likes to be worn upright which limits my carrier selection to the beco or a wrap, neither of which i can put on myself while holding her...which either means she goes into the carrier from the carseat and stays there...or hopefully i can find a place to lay her down while i don my carrier...all while ocean is hopefully happy in the stroller (which is a whole other adventure since its new to me and i dont know how to frickin work it just yet)...but this is all minor and i am not complaining as much as i am just hoping to look back on it all and chuckle.

the hubs and i have been creative of late in trying to steal a few moments on our own...we've succeeded but it is all still so very rushed and more times than not, we're holding hands or giving a quick kiss with one or both littles hanging on to some part of our bodies. this is certainly drawing us closer, as his help is indispensable and i am no longer really able to martyr myself and do it 'all' without asking his assistance...and he's doing a great job.

he does say i micromanage him...and i do! not sure if that's a woman/man thing or my own control freak coming out...but the dynamics of mothering vs. fathering are interesting to me...and while i trust he'll get the job 'done' im not so sure its done 'right' without a little coaching from the sidelines...lol. i do feel my standards broadening to include his since i am not really in the place to be all things to all people.

i suppose that this is the biggest realization i have had this far...that my ability to accept and move on is increasing...choosing battles, allowing other peoples nuances into my life.  this all seems to go hand in hand with having a couple kids...

and since im getting a resounding 'mama' from the other side of the baby gate (hey thats a good name for a book), i will leave this entry with this...last night i dreamed i was faking a pregnancy and had to explain why there was no baby...and i got an u/s and it was revealed to me that i was pregnant with triplets...

cue horror.

anyways. im sure there is more (like something about ME maybe? who is ME anyways...there is no me, there is only mom.) but i have stuff to do! the sun is out for the first time in what seems like weeks...im caffeinated (obvy) and ive got a whole day ahead of me...

and of course, pea is still asleep. bless her little balding head...if she weren't so cute (and squishy), id be pissed.

xo.

becks.

From pea week four

and i can totally believe it. it feels like longer than a month...lol. with ocean getting his teeth, a cold, an ear infection, and all the other various dramas between...its obvious to me that this many kids is about all i can handle...for now. life is getting more manageable. i dont know what i would do if i had to clean this house by myself non stop...thank god for marin's chores, and the angel who comes to clean twice a month...

now all i do is dream about vacations.

and of course, i have a sore throat now and have been pounding echinacea like crazy...but i dont think its doing much...and ive returned to coffee. today was my first cup. yay for that.

went shopping for a bit and realized that i would like to be smaller...sigh. that was an awakening i didnt need this soon postpartum. i need dresses...but it kills me to pay hundreds of dollars for the same hippy stuff i was buying as a kid for five bucks in the thrift stores...guess i need to get sewing...as if! im below my pre-preg weight, but the bod is still all expando...weight watchers here i come.

anyways. we're doing well. i miss my husband. we are ships passing all day long, handing off kids and murmuring i love yous in the process.

about that vacation...

i swear, my boobs have seen more puke than a sorority girl's during greek week.

between ocean's two year molars, his wanting to nurse every time pearl nurses...and then pearl nursing all the times in between...

im spent.

no one's getting any sleep...which is a new thing for me considering all my kids have been champion sleepers from the gate...its not pearl, its o...i know he's in pain...and it sucks to not be able to fix it.

and im not healing as quickly as i'd like, especially since there is just so much to do all the time...and no one else is doing it. lucas has been great about taking ocean w/ him wherever he goes, but he isn't doing the housework...and i cant just let it get too thick...so my body is still a bit sore in places and im still bleeding pretty good...

the good thing, i guess, is that im only like two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight...which isnt saying much since its still thirty pounds over my ideal weight...but having nearly lost all of my pregnancy weight in less than two weeks is rather convenient to the beginning of my next diet crusade...

sigh.

i know this is just postpartum blues...and that my life is amazingly abundant, but im just so blah today...and im worried that since pearl has literally slept all day save for like...twenty minutes, that i'll be up all night...and i dont know how i'd deal w/ that. im a huge wuss when it comes to losing sleep.

i should just go try to wake her, feed her, and pass out on the couch for a few hours to get a jump start...i dunno.

i just want to be a good mom to all of my kids. i hope im not too distracted w/ the younger ones to give marin the mom she needs through her teenage time...she is so quick to disappear to her room to listen to her ipod or to the bathroom to play w/ her hair/make up...or to her friends' houses to do god knows what...

hopefully lucas can stay on her ass so we dont miss something.

also, i have a wedding to attend on saturday...its a family thing, and lucas is in the bridal party...so i have to figure out how to shop for a dress, get my toes done, etc. with a newborn...i dont usually like to leave the hosue before two weeks...and now im going to an outdoor spot filled with people...gah.

im letting life get too big for me right now...

just a bit of a whinge in the midst of all of this joy.

xo.

becks.

From may 09

more to come...this was when the older 2 1st met miss pea...


im holding bb right now or else there'd be more...

sporadically regular contractions?

between 8 and 10 minutes apart. breathtaking, but manageable. i sent the kids off to the SIL's. hubs is working in the garage w/ friends...we just had an exchange of words and now everything has stalled...

its not my fucking fault im late. i knew this would happen. you should have rescheduled completely......you cant "schedule" labor/birth...

as far as im concerned he isnt even here...

and i feel pretty sad and alone and frustrated.

THE MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT
We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
An idle parent is a thrifty parent
An idle parent is a creative parent
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We play in the fields and forests
We push them into the garden and shut the door so we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school
We fill the house with music and merriment
We reject health and safety guidelines
We embrace responsibility
There are many paths
More play, less work

dear pearl,

i am sorry ive been fixated on your arrival so much these last few days that ive completely ignored the fact that we're so closely bonded still. obviously there is still something you need from being inside my body or else you'd be here in my arms.

the past few weeks have been a bit frenzied and ive said time and time again that this pregnancy went by too fast...i know i'll miss it the minute you're born, so why not take these last moments/hours/days/weeks(?) to simply revel in the wonder that you're presently mine and only mine?

lets just take a day to hang out and enjoy being this way a little longer...blessing that it is.

you just do your thing, little miss. we'll be here when you're ready.

xo,

momma